What are the five Love Languages Anyway?

As I go about my current & ongoing Soul Search, I’ve come to learn a few really important things, one of which is:
each new lesson in life is preparing me for the next & more exciting/difficult lesson to come.

When it comes to this lesson in life, I see the truth in the quote from Disney’s MULAN~
“The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.”

Lately, I’ve come to learn that to have a balanced life of LOVE, we all need to cultivate what’s known as Dr. Gary Chapman’s FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES. What are the five love languages? Here they are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service &
5. Physical Touch

I am the kind of person who’s ever changing, so even though I took this quiz years ago and discovered that my primary love language was Receiving Gifts (I know, I know, it sounds so shallow but to me gifts have always represented the tangible evidence of the gift givers’ love and affection.) Now though, it was time to see if I had grown and developed a new set of love language skills. Here are the results (drum roll please…):

Out of A Possible 11 points in each category—
1. Words of Affirmation- 9 points
2. Quality Time- 8 points
3. Receiving Gifts- 8 points
4. Acts of Service- 5 points
5. Physical Touch- 0 points! (Wait, what?!Is that accurate?!)

My evaluation: Okay, so it seems that I am almost tri-lingual, speaking in terms of love. I’m close to being fluent in Words of Affirmation, while also being slightly less, but equally efficient in both Quality Time & Receiving Gifts. If my understanding is correct, these are the ways I appreciate being loved & are also my sincerest ways of showing love. It looks like Acts of Service is important to me but not so much as my top three are. And…as for Physical Touch. Huh? Are you kidding me? 0??? Not even a 1?! First thought : maybe I should retake this dumb quiz. How does it know ME anyway? … After further thought… It’s true. I really, really do hate both to be touched & to accept a loved one’s touch. Sure, I partake in the occasional peck on the cheek and hug/greeting with friends & strangers alike, according to local Hawaiian custom. But… I don’t enjoy it. I do it out of mere duty & formality. It seems to me that I never really wanted to learn this language either (kinda like when I set out to learn Chinese almost 10 years ago.Yet, I’m still going strong and learning a new word almost every day.) Can I learn the words one at a time in order to work on my Physical Touch love-speak? Perhaps… I’ve begun to notice too, (sad to say) that I cringe even when my nieces touch me in the slightest affectionate way. I force myself to accept these forms of love but I wish I would desire it too. It’s fine though because we all have at least one thing to work on and the first step is in knowing what that thing is. Now I really understand why I don’t ever wanna get married. I mean, you have to hold hands, kiss, & try to make babies right?! Ewwwww! Do I sound like I’m 5 years old? Sometimes I feel like it. Lol. Anyways, all that being said, I know what it is I’d like to work on & if you check back in a few months, I’ll do a progress check up. Feel free to subscribe to my Blog–Soul Search.

Another thing I’ve come to learn is that: a creative outlet is extremely beneficial! Check out my new business in creativity by following this link:
The benefits of this creative outlet & why I turned it into a business will be discussed in my next blog.

Until then, this is Crafty ‘Cole with your kinda-weekly Soul Search blog. (My niece calls me Aunty ‘Cole instead of Aunty Nicholle, it just melts my heart, as long as she isn’t touching me. 😂)

If you’d like to go to discover your primary love language go to:
P.S. You’ll have to enter your info & email for your result, if it’s worth that to you. It was to me!


Why Soul Search?


Soul Search is the first name that came to mind as I thought about starting this blog. Why? Let me explain. I know that all of us are on a journey in this crazy thing called LIfE. We’re all at different levels of this journey no matter our age, and while some choose to take it leisurely, others take long strides, especially at different, motivating points in their lives. Where am I ? Formerly I’ve always been the leisurely cruiser throughout life. For the past two years, I’ve begun to take long strides, even sprints, on my journey of self discovery, or as I call it–Soul Search.

Where did it all begin? Well, let me start by calling the kettle black and just putting it all out there. As we all do, I face a unique set of personal problems. This kettle (me) has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at the age of 23, just 6 years ago, to date. (Yes, I’m almost 30!!, and yes, I feel old…but that’s a whole different story for another blog post.) 😜  At that time, I was placed on many psychotropic medications (lots and lots of hard, soul numbing medicines). It wasn’t until I saw a documentary on the drawbacks and benefits of treating Bipolar naturopathically that I decided to make some changes. (The documentary is on Netflix and it is called ‘Of Two Minds.’ It’s a great watch if you’re into that sorta thing.)

Let me explain how my Soul Search began… After  all the inspiration I drew from that documentary and talking it over with a close friend, I decided to talk to my therapist about making a life change in that direction. It didn’t happen over night but changing my mindset was the first step. That put me on the path of many, many greater things to come. You’ll see, keep reading…

The first baby steps were essentially to establish myself with a new Naturopathic Doctor while working with my Psychiatrist and Therapist to slowly taper off the old medications and transition to the new, under the direction of both my Naturopath and my Psychiatrist. That took close to a year until I was on all vitamins and supplements plus 1 prescription drug, which is much better than 5, I might say so myself. I noticed changes immediately, especially as the steps I took increased and as the pace began to pick up. These are the dramatic changes I noticed in myself…

I became more self aware, essentially more comfortable in my own skin. I could read my body for the first time and listen to what it was telling me. I became more assertive and decisive about what I want in life. I became more independent of others to make me happy or fulfill my needs.  And, I slowly saw the need to help others as I was helping myself, not only with their personal health and wellness care but also with any personal problems they may be facing. (Take for example: I’ve made it a point to truly be there for my friend who was diagnosed with cancer and recently started chemotherapy.) Looking outside of oneself definitely teaches you a lot about life and even your own self, as well. What other changes had to happen?

As I mentioned, the process was slow going and being the impatient person that I am, it was very frustrating at times. Once I officially transferred over to solely being  under my Naturopath’s care, (I kept my Psychiatrist as a back up, ‘just in case.’) I began to explore new pathways of proactively treating my mania and depression. Some of these include: vitamins and supplements, exercise, diet, being in nature, reflecting, reading & meditating on my Bible, therapy, improving personal relationships, and goal setting, to name a few.  (I’ll get in to how all these things have help me in my life in a later blog). Looking back…

No regrets. My Soul Search continues. I’m a happier me…but even better: I’m content, proud of myself, and curious to discover what else is in store for me! Not only that, many of my close family members and friends can see the difference. They have expressed things to me like: ‘You’re doing so much better now than you were a year ago.’ At times an outsiders opinion can help tremendously. I still feel that I have a lot to work on so I had to ask them if they were telling me the truth??? Yes, they were! I was so stuck in what was going wrong and what I still wasn’t accomplishing, rather than focusing on how far I’ve come in my journey. My mindset changed yet again. The Soul Search never stops…